I keep thinking back over my years of blogging, trying to recapture some of the vigor with which I used to send my words out into the digital stratosphere.
Back in 2006, when I first started blogging, I never combed the internet looking for relevant tidbits to comment on or build a blog post around, I just lived life and tried to engage with my kids, and I blogged my way through, trying to understand my place in it all.
Back then I would process it all in real time, sometimes daily, right on the blog.
These last couple years have been quieter for me, as far as blogging goes. Quiet mostly because I’ve had multiple life events that have caused me to reflect inwardly instead of outwardly.
Some of it has been associated with a pain too deep for words, and some of the words have been too deep to share.
I also started working full time, and not only full time, but for a while I was working two jobs. Then last summer I suffered an on the job injury that greatly affected my ability to write. I’ve had to learn to limit my typing, and to use dictation software, which is an ongoing climb up a fairly steep learning curve for someone like me, who is used to having their thoughts come out through their fingers instead of their mouth.
The improvement has been much slower than I hoped, and has left me with a constant level of pain and discomfort that I am still learning to live with. I’m still working full time, although I have a different job now that doesn’t involve lifting patients.
I am, as we all must, adapting to my limitations.
It’s not as if I haven’t been writing, but I have concentrated my efforts in my limited available time on books instead of blogs, releasing two new novels in the past two years. I’m also on staff at Modern Moto Magazine, a fashion and gear-centric women’s motorcycling magazine that is just celebrating our first year in print.
Even with the injury, I’ve managed to keep writing.
Maybe some day I will write a memoir describing the strange series of twists and turns my life has taken, and what this journey has taught me, but for now I am just trying to re-engage.
This perfect storm of self-discovery whipped together with publishing’s terrifying loss of anonymity has been daunting at times for this particular introvert.
Realizing at times that, whether I like it or not, I am in fact a brand has been difficult for me. When I was just another mom with a blog I didn’t worry about what I said, and I feel like I’m finally swinging back toward that.
The rebellious part of me stopped blogging for a while. You might say I caved under the pressure.
I didn’t want to say the wrong things, and I couldn’t decide which way to go – which side of my multi-faceted personality to focus on.
I’m not just a novelist, or a blogger, or a yogi, or a motorcycle chick, or a nurse, or a mom, or a poet or a non-fiction writer. I am all of those things, and you can’t really brand that, so I guess my brand is human. And I’m ok with that.
Finally I decided I would just be a human, and if people don’t like it or don’t read my books because of it, then so be it.
I try to remind myself every day that none of us has to try to be spectacular, because we all already are. And being a writer doesn’t mean having profound, quotable thoughts running around wreaking havoc in your brain at all times.
It means you write.
And sometimes what you write is awesome and sometimes it’s just mundane, but you write because you have to write. Because that’s your gift. That’s your calling. It’s part of how you’re wired.
Lately, despite big plans and a lot of writing projects in the works, there are still days and chunks of days when I’m just trying to get by. All the moving and the events of these last five years has created quite a backlog in my delayed processor.
Change is like that for me. Maybe it’s like that for you too.
I don’t always realize what’s actually happened to my heart until after the fact. Sometimes there’s not a lot to say, but I’m not a fan of squawking just to hear yourself squawk, so there will be quiet times here on the blog. I’m not a daily content kind of girl, so you might be better off signing up for notifications instead 🙂
My monthly newsletter is another great way to keep up with the changes. I’m not a hard marketer or annoying spammer. I literally send out an update once a month. It usually includes a little bonus content and writing you won‘t see here on the blog, plus a little more personal look into my life and process- because relationships are really important to me – especially with my readers.
Right now my life is complex but my needs are simple.
Live fully and love deeply, writing as I’m able and continuing to develop deep, meaningful relationships, with other humans and with my world.