Moments are lost every day. Like words that escape from our mouths, chased by regret, some things can never be recaptured. Moments alter the fabric of reality, and yet we let them slip by, unnoticed and largely unappreciated.
Dwelling on our pasts and longing for an unknown future, we are like the west coast, sitting atop our rocky cliffs, being pounded by a monotony of waves, just waiting for The Big One.
If I had it to do over again, would I alter the big moments?
I would alter the heart-breaking and life-altering reality of lost innocence that tore my little girl psyche into several pieces, then tucked them away into different corners of my life like horcruxes.
These things I have had to search for, fight for and retrieve, only to find that the reality of having them all in one place was not in fact, the beginning of a new life, because in the end total sacrifice was required in order to be reborn.
I’m still going through this particular fire, so I’m not sure I can speak to it as well as I should. These last horcruxes are buggers, to be sure. And Nagini is a terrible creature, whispering lies that feed on the very heart of my self image.
But I think I’ve discovered the true secret to rebirth: Death.
We have to be willing to give to the fires everything. Every last shred of fear, rationalization, self-doubt and uncertainty. Everything we like about ourselves. Everything we’re proud of. Everything we’ve accomplished and all that we’ve left undone. Submitted to the fire.
What comes back will be what’s real, and that’s what gives the phoenix its strength. Every time it submits to fire, it comes back stronger, with tears that can heal even the hopeless.
I can just hear Dumbledore saying “About time too. (S)he’s been looking dreadful for days; I’ve been telling (him) to get a move on.” See you all on the other side…